The Prodigal Son: Freedom from the Bondage of Sexual Sin

The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 was my ex-husband's favorite Bible story. That knowledge still grieves me. He was touched by the image of a God who sought and welcomed home a wayward son, but he never walked the path back home. He never grabbed hold of the grace and feast offered by his heavenly Father. 

When I finally saw Rembrandt's "Prodigal" painting in person at the Hermitage, I was struck by how diseased and decrepit was the son - his head and face are shaved, his shoes and clothes are shredded, and he is covered in sores, including the bottoms of his feet.  His knees are on the ground with his face buried in his father's robes. This is not a son who made a few wrong turns; this is a man who has truly "hit bottom," as we say today.

I have grieved for years that no one came to our rescue, no one noticed the evil happening in my marriage and in my home. I am not resentful towards any one person for not holding my husband accountable - I understand that a person must sense a calling to speak the gospel into another's life and be gifted with the courage to do so. But I was, at times, resentful towards the Christian community in general that wholly failed to know and minister to my husband as he walked, lived, and worthiped among them. 

As a couple, we attended two Biblical churches over 28 years, rarely missing a Sunday even on vacation.  We joined couples groups and Bible studies and taught Sunday school. My husband was a deacon, a boys club counselor, and was asked to serve as an elder several times. There were many Christian men who came into my husband's life who could have been godly challengers - knights with the lance of truth.  I remember my husband's wild college roommate with a revived faith who came to visit, but he did not venture into the mess that was our lives.  I remember a pastor, and a Christian marriage counselor - neither had any impact because both were too "nice" to call out sin. 

A few brave souls with gospel courage ventured into relationship with my husband to offer healing and accountability, and for those few men I am grateful to the point of tears. I remember the first pastor my husband talked to about his early forays to prostitutes - who offered him accountability, hope and healing (my husband declined).  I remember the devout graduate school friend who regularly shared his Christian faith in a secular university department.  There was a neighborhood friend and a work colleague, both with vibrant faith who looked for openings to speak into my husband's life but were kept at a distance. There was a very young man, a friend of the family, who talked openly about sexual temptation and his men's accountability group, even among older, more cynical adults like my husband - I was profoundly grateful for his young, strong, witness.  And I remember the octogenarian neighbor we visited on his death bed, a WWII veteran who made it a point to ask my husband whether he was ready to meet Jesus - God bless you Wilbur! I look forward to thanking you personally in heaven. 

A few men have since apologized to me for not fostering a culture of spiritual growth, discipline and accountability among the men of our church.  Those apologies, although completely unexpected, have been healing for me. But the vast majority did not notice, did not invest, did not intimately befriend, did not hold my husband accountable. They wanted male church relationships to be high-fives with no vulnerability or soul care work. Ultimately, the church leaders said things like, "well, all men look at that sort of thing" and, as to marital unfaithfulness, "it is what it is." How painful is this message to the betrayed spouse.

I remember clearly God's last invitation to my husband before he spiritually turned on his heels to walk the road away from his Father's house. Together we listened to a powerful young preacher at a mega-church speak about freedom from sexual bondage and marital struggles. He ended with a call to repentance and inviting all who heard to an Easter baptism service at a local beach park.  My husband turned to me and said, "well, maybe we should go to that." Later that Sunday, a stranger ran into my husband among crowds on that same beach and recognized him as being in church that morning! The stranger said, "hey, I saw you this morning and I hope you can come to the baptism here next week?" It was my husband's final invitation to repent from that which was destroying himself, his family, and his marriage.  Was God's fatherly heart was broken? Did Jesus weep knowing his prodigal child would not be burying his head in robes of comfort and beg for forgiveness? 


Rembrandt van Rijn, The Return of the Prodigal Son, c. 1661–1669. 262 cm × 205 cm. Hermitage Museum

The Way God Cares for a Woman In Distress

The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the Lord. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves.” Elisha replied to her, “How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?” “Your servant has nothing there at all,” she said, “except a small jar of olive oil.”  Elisha said, “Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don’t ask for just a few. Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars..."  She left him and shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. When all the jars were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another one.” But he replied, “There is not a jar left.” Then the oil stopped flowing. She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.” II Kings 4: 1-7

This passage describes so beautifully how God cares for a woman in trouble. The unnamed widow is innocent in her suffering - her husband died leaving her in great debt and the creditor has no mercy.  Life has shown me that this is just how God operates  - you can count on it!

• God will send a godly counselor if you cry out.  God will provide trusted advice through His church and its leaders, if you seek and listen.  Believers ministering to other believers, stepping up and saying as Elisha did, "how can I help you?" This is God's loving provision for you. 
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• God will use what you have on hand - a talent, a person, a book, an ability, or a few assets like the small jar of oil. When your spouse has pushed you down, look around at what or who God has provided to take care of you in this season.  In my case, an old friend sent me an insightful book. And God brought me to a new mentor at church  - a woman who had already walked through what I was about to face.  
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• God will protect your children.  The widow's central fear is for her two sons.  For those of us who have looked down the barrel of the divorce cannon, we too are often more afraid for our children than for ourselves.  We have absorbed the pain in secret for a long time; we have formed scar tissue over the shrapnel beneath our skin.  But we are desperate that our children not be harmed by the brokenness of divorce.  I had to be reminded many times that God loves my children more than I do, and He will take care of them ("you and your sons can live!".  
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• God will use Christian community to take care of you.  The widow went to her neighbors for empty jars - the assets they could contribute in a time of famine. Amphorae were plentiful and disposable, but also reusable because the sediments from oil or wine settled in the pointed bottom. They were designed to be set upright into sand or a rack in the slanted hull of a ship. In my time of need, God provided Christian carpool moms from my neighborhood, women who could help with child transport, picking up a repaired car, sitting with me at school concerts. (Some things are so much harder without a second parent!) These were the gifts of my neighbors, like jars that God could fill with blessings. Who knew? It was just a carpool before the trouble started, but God knew what I needed long before I did.
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• God wants to bless you abundantly in your time of trouble.  Don't ask for just a few jars!  Follow God's guidelines and those of his prophets and things go better - the widow gathered a lot of empty clay jars from neighbors but she didn't know why. By trusting the prophet's advice, she had enough to pay off debts and supply necessities for herself and her boys - her daily bread. On some days going through divorce, I felt numb and directionless.  But I leaned into the advice of counselors when I was confused, and that leaning kept me from falling and making grave mistakes.
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• God works behind closed doors.  Sometimes His miracles are large and public, but more often, as for this widow, God provides in quiet, private moments. I treasure the private moments God tenderly cared for me within my home - through a song, a verse, or a conversation.   
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• God will use your children in healing and providing for you. The widow worked side-by-side with her sons. Amphorae, with a handle on each side, were often designed to be carried by two strong men when full. In divorce, our children are not our support system or our friends, but yet they can work alongside us through the healing process. Young children may sense the need for hugs. One of my older sons said, "I think you won't take so long to heal, mom, because you are stronger than most."  What a word of encouragement! And my teens had to learn to do things their dad had done, like mow the lawn and fix the computer, and help me lift heavy things.  
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• God will use your own efforts and that of your children. The widow did not sit idly by and hope that healing and money floated in like a cloud.  She contributed effort to the task - she and her boys were partnering with God for the miracle of debt repayment.  She labored with her sons using the assets they had.
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• God will take care of you in front of your children. Their lives will be blessed by seeing God's care in action.  By making her two sons part of the work team, they also experienced God's private miracle of healing and provision  - the entire family was rescued!  

Sink into God's loving care for you and your family during the difficult times.  Remember Peter 5: "And God will exalt you in due time, if you humble yourselves under his mighty hand, by casting all your cares on him because he cares for you." **

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