I suppose there is no place to start other than in the middle of my story. Middle life has become a pursuit of this question: what is God's will for the woman scorned? It has been written that there is no more lonely life than marriage to a sex addict. God only knows if this is true, but He says that “an unloved woman who is married” is one of three things under which the earth trembles.[1]
The wife is both the victim and the secret keeper. If my husband had cancer, we would type blogs and e-mails, accept phone calls and blessed casseroles, and raise our hands with prayer requests in church. But wives of sex addicts are completely alone, eyes downcast and hands clasped in our laps. For spouses, this illness surrounds us all day long like a flood. It engulfs us. It takes our companions and loved ones from us because we must hide the disease and hide ourselves from them; we are alone in a room crowded with family members or fellow Christians, and we are alone in the dark. [2]
Facing my husband's sex addiction has been a journey on a very steep and rocky path. On many days, journaling was the only thing that pulled me outside of myself, to look up and see the One who heals. I hope that sharing my writing here will help other Christian women facing the trauma of marriage to a sex addict. There must be many women who, like me, “being very
tired and having nothing inside” feel “so sorry for [ourselves] that the tears
roll down [our] cheeks” as we travel up the steep and rocky path, seemingly alone. [3] I pray that with the resources discussed
here, you can prepare to hear the rich sigh and breathing
of the Great Lion walking beside you saying,
”There . . . tell me your sorrows.” [4]
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[1] Proverbs 30:21-23.
[2] Psalm 88:17-18
[3] The Horse and His Boy, The Chronicles of Narnia, p. 162, C.S. Lewis, HarperCollins.
[4 ] Id. at 163.
All scripture quotes will be NIV, Couples Devotional Bible, unless otherwise noted.
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