A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
Prov. 17:17
I recently read that the meaning of life is "to find out who and what are true friends."(1) While this is not a catechism answer, it is worth pondering. In times of adversity, we discover who will walk with us as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Through my own crisis of abandonment and betrayal by my spouse, I have been forced and blessed to grow in my understanding of who are true friends. I have discovered a few clues to identifying these precious souls:
1. You can ask a true friend to pray for you without qualms, and you never doubt that they will pray.
2. Keeping confidences for a true friend is not so hard, because protecting them is on your heart at all times.
3. Around a true friend I have a sense of humor - not always a good sense of humor - but I am exercising my humor muscle because I am willing to be vulnerable and I want to see my friend smile.
4. When a true friend says an encouraging word, I know they mean it from the bottom of their toes and I carry that encouragement around like a precious jewel for weeks, pondering the implications.
5. A true friend is not afraid to tell me how I have hurt them, what I should watch out for, or where I may have a sin tendency.
6. A friend "loves at all times", not just in between hurtful times. Prov. 17.
7. And I look forward to hanging out with them in heaven, making music together, story-telling together, worshiping together.
Carrying the secret and being a part of a long term marriage with an adulterous, emotionally abusive man, I have a significant handicap in appreciating true and healthy relationships. If I am honest, not only are such offers of friendship hard for me to spot, but I also notice my own deficiencies in friendship skills. I am thankful that friends have been patient and have come around to show me how it's done. Being in relationship with a sex addict is the polar opposite of a true friendship; it is like having my hand on a hot stove burner. A healthy acquaintance, in comparison, is like a pot holder. But a true friend is balm for the burn.
Through this adversity, my eyes have been opened to God's precious gift of a few good friends. K, S, G, J, and J, you know who you are. I am so blessed to have these godly friends! I end with my favorite greeting card quote: "Good friends can make us laugh; great friends can make us laugh until we pee!"
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1. For this quote and a good blog post about friendship, see, http://authenticgraceforlife.blogspot.com/2015/01/remix-stress-friendship-and-gospel.html
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