"It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His.... So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel..."
Malachi 2:13-16(a)
__________________________This rich Bible verse is directed towards men. But I think women can also gain insight from God's perspective in Malachi. First, do you see that the Lord holds himself up as the witness between you and your husband? For a covenant marriage, Jesus is the witness to your vows, the real "best man" at your wedding, and the high priest who joined you together in matrimony. As you face divorce, you may feel as though you have failed. For me, walking through divorce has been not only a time of great pain but also a time of repentance and communion. Without repentance, satan uses my shame and fear of failure to attack and keep me from leaning into Jesus, the witness and high priest over my wedding.
Second, by this verse in Malachi, I am assured that God commanded my husband not to break his covenant vows. But by his decisions and sexual acting out, my husband has indeed broken those vows. Your husband may have "broken faith" with you in other ways. Not all theologians would agree with me, but I believe unfaithfulness through pornography and abuse in all its forms is also "breaking faith" with your spouse. By this breaking of faith, the husband is "divorcing" his wife; after he does, if a wife initiates or participates in legal proceedings, that does not make her the "divorcing" spouse. God hates divorce - which Malachi defines as the breaking of faith by a husband; God does not hate a wife who uses the legal process to protect herself from further harm.
G. Livingston, M.D., a modern secular psychologist, writes that, "Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least."(1) Livingstone and Malachi are on the same page - marriage is a covenant that one spouse can break unilaterally. Many people mistakenly believe that it takes two to destroy a marriage. But modern counselors know this is often not true. Again, Livingston writes, "As marriages enter the long slide toward alienation, is it seldom a symmetrical process....While it takes two people to create a relationship, it takes only one to end it." Ben Folds, a modern rock poet and several times divorced himself, is even more succinct when he sings of a couple "fighting the battle of who could care less." (2)
Third, do you see how God views covenant marriage? God says a husband and wife are one and they are His "in flesh and spirit." This explains the extreme pain of divorce. Like childbirth, others cannot understand the level of pain unless they have lived through a similar event. You have been one in flesh and spirit with your husband, so divorce will hurt like hell; it will be a tearing of your flesh and a ripping of your spirit, like an animal tearing at the flesh of its prey.
Finally, God accepts your righteous anger - God himself hates divorce. He hates that your husband has decided to break faith with you, leaving separated lives as the only option. God hates that your husband has made clear by his actions that he doesn't want to be married to you. My teenager reminds me: when people ask, "WWJD - what would Jesus do?" it helps to remember that getting angry, cracking a whip, driving people like cattle, and turning over tables of money is a viable option.(3)
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(1) G. Livingston, M.D., Too Soon Old; Too Late Smart.
(2) "Battle of Who Could Care Less", Ben Folds Five, 1997 Album, Whatever and Ever Amen,
(3) Matthew 21: 12-13.
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