18 They cursed others as easily as they put on clothes. Cursing was as natural to them as getting a drink of water or putting olive oil on their bodies.19 May their curses cover them like coats. May their curses be wrapped around them like a belt forever. 22 I am poor and needy. My heart is wounded deep down inside me. 28 They may curse me. But may you bless me. May those who attack me be put to shame. But may I be filled with joy. 29 May those who bring charges against me be clothed with dishonor. May they be wrapped in shame as if it were a coat.30 With my mouth I will continually praise the Lord. I will praise him when all his people gather for worship.
Psalm 109 (NIRV)
Psalm 109 (NIRV)
After writing three posts on the meaning of "clothing" representing identity in the Bible, I came across these amazing verses in Psalm 109. With these words, the Holy Spirit gives us permission to cry out. The Spirit also gives us permission to confess the reality that the sins of others can be awful and may cause us severe pain and suffering.(1) The truth is that we need not make excuses for the sins of others against us - God does not require this. Instead, God blesses wives who do not stand in the way that sinners take. (2)
Verbal and emotional abuse within marriage is private: "it only happens when no one else is around" and it mostly happens in ways that are hidden from others.(3) It causes great shame in the wife, but she sounds petty when she tries to describe this ongoing assault of words, distancing and control. The de-valuing words and actions (cursing really) come so naturally to our husbands' daily lives; it is like drinking coffee or shaving to them and we become accustomed to it as well. Yet we are deeply wounded and we want God to bring His justice to the situation. If we are honest with God, at times we desire that the tables be turned and that the world see our husbands surrounded by the dishonor they deserve.
What a prayer the Psalmist gives to wives in this situation! We have permission to wail - for a time. If you are despairing today, try praying this updated version of these same verses from Psalm 109:
"Oh dear Father, my husband puts on slippery words of degradation and emotional coldness just as he puts on his suit in the morning. Objectifying me and dismissing my ideas is as natural to him as brushing his teeth or combing his hair. May these criticisms and put-downs that he constantly tosses at me cover him like a coat for all to see. May the aura of disdain he shows towards me be a belt tight around his waist that never comes off, even when he naps. My heart and soul are so deeply wounded, I feel it always in my belly. My husband (and maybe his friends) may look down on me and call me "unreasonable" or worse, but I praise you Lord that you bless me and protect me. I ask that my husband of many years be seen by all as covered in dishonor. Wrap his shame and selfishness around him like a long overcoat for all to view. I will continue to speak highly of your care for me Lord, and I will continue to go to church and worship you, Lord God, wherever your true people gather."
If this is where you are in the healing process, I praise and thank God that you have the courage to be honest with Him and with yourself. I thank God that the ancient Psalmist gave us a model of crying out to God about modern sins done against us. I pray that God's mercy be new for you every morning.:
_________________________
(1) us.http://authenticgraceforlife.blogspot.com/2015/03/enduring-our-present-suffering.html\
(2) Psalm 1.
(3) Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond (May 1992), New edition, Jan. 2010.
